too good to be true

As far as I can remember, I have never been in love for almost six years...I know that's such a long years...I have never planned that...never...but it seems the more years the more it becomes blur...blur like I really can't recognize it...poor me...

I almost fell in love with this guy named Maximillian, the guy of my dream I guess...but heiy when I met a guy that is too good to be true...then it is literally too good to be true if it happened...I met him thru gay website, he was so nice and I am instantly under his spell, really...it was such a joy to know that is a guy somewhere out there and perfectly what I have been dreaming of...but again too good to be true...

We never met, until last year...we met in Bali as he suddenly flew to Bali to have a vacation for the second time with his best friends and yeah this time with his boyfriend..., he called when he arrived in Bali and he said to me "Gosh your English so flawless"...then when I was there to meet him in real...I was stunned, nervous and hell I care nothing even though he is with his boyfriend...he hugged me and I was like...goshhh...when he told me that he is with his boyfriend I was thinking must be his boyfriend is some cute, hunky Thai guy...well indeed too good to be true...he is just some Malay guy...not that I am telling Malay guy not cute but he isn't...somehow I am glad...but somehow I feel like damn...what the hell is going on with me...I have those qualities over him but heiy...indeed too good to be true...perhaps the imperfection is all about...

I was brokenhearted...until now I am...is it wrong if you have those qualities, sing the same songs, we like the same paintings, we adore beaches, we crazy about the same movie or we keep complementing each other but still we can't be boyfriends? Life is unfair indeed...really unfair...

I feel now I am walking nowhere in terms of my love life...I have no body to pursue, literally I have no one to be idolized...I am also too tired nagging around my past...

No more hope on new year...I will just keep walking and perhaps never looked back...if I do then I will have just smile...